I don’t care who you are, you don’t understand. Nope, not even if you are a pro or an expert. You don’t understand. You get the rules and get the main concept, but to truly understand, that in my opinion is the only thing impossible. You will understand me or my situation. I will never understand yours and I don’t really plan on it anyways. You can’t relate me either. I could careless if you have that “Dr.” in front of your name; all that means is that your parents were rich enough and you were dumb enough to be in school that long. I’m so sick of everyone saying they get me and they understand how I’m feeling because it happened to them. The funny thing about God and life is that no one is the same. So how in the world would you get me if we are not the same? We don’t have the same thoughts or same outlook on life so how do you know exactly how I feel? Because you once upon time had a shitty day too? Welcome to life. Welcome to days where you don’t feel like getting up in the morning because its not worth it. Welcome to friends hating you. Welcome to parents being disappointed. Welcome to give ups and let downs. But no that’s not relating. That’s called logic my friends. If you don’t have that, then you should be seeing those guys that put those “Dr.” in front of their names. I’m not asking for an understanding, when I tell you what’s wrong with me it’s not to compare who has it worse or for you to show me up. It’s because I feel like shit and I need to let it out and you happened to be there at the right time. All i want is an ear. You are not me, you don’t have my heart or brain. That is the only thing I have that I can’t just hand out when I want. It’s mine and I use it the way I want. So don’t understand it or relate it because you have your own. Leave me be.

Through the tears and pain

I’m seeing this thing I cannot claim

Is it a bird or is it a plain?

No, could it be? My happiness right infront of me?

I haven’t felt like this in awhile

Seems like all have now are smiles

I don’t know what changed in me

All I know is that this is where I want to be

I know this won’t last long

But for me I’m going to sit back and hit that bong

All I have is right now, and I’m not letting that slip away from me.

Things never seem to stay the same like the leaves begin to fade. Summer is here and I’m in a dwindled fear. Fear of loving or not. It scares me to think it could happen. I’ve been close to it happening but right when I get there it seems like the finish line gets further away. Or my lover leaves without an explanation. I’m left in the dust again. But I’m used to that. Love is shit. Who really knows what it is? How do you know you have something when you’ve never had it? People dramatize love like its something that you have to have or that it happens so fast and that it can happen to more then one person. In my opinion you can’t love more then one. Love>2. Love doesn’t hit or makes you change. Love finds you and uncovers the real you that you have been so afraid to expose to this scary world. Love is naked. People like to dress it up and make it something that it’s not. We were brought into this world naked and we will probably leave that way. We dress ourselves and love up because we are so afraid of what will happen if we are naked. Too fat, not a big enough dick, boobs are too small, too skinny, too white, too dark, ass is flat, too asain, too black, too this, too that. But remember always be yourself and be original. How do they expect us to do that in a world that idolizes over perfection when this world has never even seen perfection! How do we know we want something so bad but have no idea what it is or how it got there or why we want it in the first place.

I never understood fights. What’s really the point? I mean so what if something doesn’t go your way or if someone did something wrong to you. We all are going to die anyways. So why do we cause so much pain because of fights? Because in reality when are dead and gone and we go to Heaven and we look back and all you notice about yourself is that you fought. When you could have been doing something else. I don’t fight. I’m not passive or aggressive. I just don’t do it. There is no point. It doesn’t solve anything it doesn’t help your life get better. It just causes life to suck more. In fact if you question yourself why you are mad at the person you hate the most it will probably be because of something they said during a fight or because they always fight with you or because you are currently fighting with them. All for what? What is this prize that humans glorify over a fight? Rightness or wrongness? Who cares? People always tell me how much they hate drama. No one hates drama, we all secretly love it. If we hate it as much as we do then there wouldn’t be drama. Drama in our lives creates excitement. Without it there would be no spark to life. We should be boring bland people that did the same thing everyday. However drama causes fights. Which I never really understand.

Today I thought about you

I know you didn’t think about me

I thought about us

And how we could be

I thought about how you broke my heart

I thought about how I miss and need you so much even though you don’t want me

Today I thought about why I should still care when you obviously don’t

Why is that I’m suffering with the loss of you

And you are healing with the gain of someone new

Why is it that you have my heart wrapped around in strings like a puppet

You toy with me

Today I thought about how much I care about not caring

I am struggling

I wish it was the other way around

We always want what we can’t have

Boy that’s too damn bad

Because all I need is you

All I want is too be okay without you

All you want is me

But you need to be okay without me

We are drowning in this pool of love

It’s not healthy

Today I saw you with her

All I wanted to do was punch her then kiss you

All I did was watch and pretend that I didn’t notice

While deep inside I was crying in deafness

I will never be okay without you

However I’ll get by

I’ll never stop loving you

If I did or do that just means I never loved you in the first place

Today is the day I have to move on

Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always.
A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone.
A belief in each other and the possibility of love.
A decision to ignore, simply rise above the pain of the past.
A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties.
A celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead.
For two will always be stronger than one, like a team braced against the tempest civil world.
And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality.
Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held. Promises made long ago.
In the sacred spaces of our hearts.